Dear Richard Madeley: At 28, how do I find an older woman that wants me for more than sex?

I want someone to build a future with, but it’s difficult to plan ahead with my ‘type’

I am a 28-year-old guy with a professional job, my own place, a sense of humour and a positive attitude to life. I have had no problem attracting women and have had several short relationships, and three longer affairs with married women. But I’d like to be in a longer and more open relationship and I can’t seem to make that leap.
One problem is that I’m primarily physically attracted to older women. I just came out of a three-year affair with a beautiful married 53-year-old and there have been two more like that. Each time I fell in love with them knowing that the relationship had no real future – and, worse, at the back of my mind, that that was why they were with me. In each case the woman said she had a “hall pass” from her husband so I didn’t feel particularly bad on that score. But with all of them, I knew they would never leave their husbands for me.
I would like to find someone to build a future with, be that a single, divorced or widowed woman. I am not at my career peak now so, as much as I would like to, I can’t afford to spoil someone I love, yet. I’ve got nothing against dating within my own age group but I’ve never found the kind of character and individuality that I love in older women. However, I find that such women are either too timid to enter into a real relationship with a younger guy, or just want one for sex – or worry that he would go off them as they aged further. 
I am drawing a blank online because the sorts of scenarios I find on offer there all seem to be no-strings-hookup situations, and I think I am done with that. Do you have any suggestions?
— Brian, via email
I’m slightly surprised that you decided to write to me. You’re clearly not lacking in insight, self-awareness or a straightforward analysis of the contradictions in your relationships thus far. So I’m not sure how to advise you, if I’m honest. You’re attracted to older women. That’s unlikely to change. It’s clearly a well-established feature of your sexuality and anyway, what’s wrong with that? Everyone has their preferences. Some women are attracted more or less exclusively to older men. Plus ça change.
I’m no expert in online dating but I tend to agree with you – you’re unlikely to find a life partner there. From everything I hear, it is mostly about short-term encounters, many of which turn out to be disappointing. So what do I counsel?
Patience. Yup, that most old-fashioned of concepts when it comes to finding a love that lasts. Patience, Brian. Because you can’t force or rush these things. You have to allow a certain amount of kismet into the equation. 
Look. You know what you want from a permanent relationship. And that woman is out there for you. You’re only 28. You have so much time. So put your trust in fate – and your well-developed self-awareness. You’ll find her, I promise. That is, if she doesn’t find you first…
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